Wednesday, September 9, 2015

snogging & other nonsense

snog*ging
–verb (used without object), snogged, snogging.
  British informal.
  • To kiss and/or hold somebody in a sexual way.

That, friends, is the Cambridge online dictionary definition of the term "snogging".  Perhaps now you are a bit more intrigued as to the nature of this post... Perhaps not.  Either way, I have a story to share with you.

Most nights of the week, I get a call from Samuel on his way home from school.  We generally rehash our day, have some solid nerd discussions, and swap prayer requests.  It's a nice way to wrap up the day.

However, yesterday was different.

Due to the total lack of cell reception in my dorm, I always take my calls outside, on the side-entrance stairs.  Yesterday was no exception.  I happened to come across a couple on my way out to the door, and naturally I assumed they were entering the building.  I opened the door for them.  But they didn't go in.

In short, the girl went inside for a bit while I sat awkwardly on the stairs while the guy just paced in front of me.  I had already began the call with Samuel, but I wasn't about to hash out my day in front of this dude.  So I just stared at my feet and talked as little as possible.

And then it happened.  The girl returned.

I wrongly assumed (again) that they would be moving indoors and at last leave me and my phone call at peace, but oh how wrong I was.

Alternatively, they elected to make out.  Loudly.  Right behind me.


I still attempted to continue my phone conversation, but the symphony of snogging behind me inhibited most of my lingual skills.


At this point in the call Samuel began to express some genuine concern for me, not yet knowing that my distracted "yeah"s and "mhmmm"s were about the only diction I could produce under the circumstance.  To make matters worse, the sconce by the door was casting a shadow of the couple on the pavement before me, fully illustrating the situation playing out behind my back.  I attempted to collapse myself and dissolve into the stair rail, clutching my mug of tea in one hand and trying to maintain the phone call with my mildly befuddled boyfriend in the other.

Eventually the couple released suction on each other's face, mumbled sugary farewells, and parted ways.  Once out of earshot, I immediately explained the situation to Samuel before breaking out into nervous giggles and melodramatic wailing.


Moral of the story: if you're gonna snog on a side porch, please choose one that is UNOCCUPIED

Also special thanks to Samuel for being super patient, especially when I am stuck in awkward phone call conditions.

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