bad doodles and disappointing narratives

That's it.  That's basically what this blog is going to be.  Just a bunch of poorly-drawn illustrations of the uneventful things that happen to me.  I tried doing a well thought-out, developed, pretty, soul-searching blog (twice, actually), and I'm just pretty miserable at it.

Plus it's way more entertaining to make fun of myself.

It's also a gentle way of informing people of just how dramatic I can be on very minute subjects.  Take this week's run to the pharmacy for instance.

It was a fine day and I had just gotten my teeth cleaned at the dentist.  In a fit of loyalty towards my oral hygiene, I decided to visit the drug store to pick up some mouthwash, as I had recently run out.

Mouthwash.

I had bought this many times before, and let's be honest guys it's really not that complicated.  Feeling frugal and minty-fresh, I picked up the cheap store-brand and went my merry way.  Looking down at my purchase, I felt very satisfied.

my shameful crappy realistic portrayal of the deceptive mouthwash packaging

At first, all appeared well.  Until...

I looked closer.

Notice the red arrow.  Notice the tiny black scribble it points to.  It's tiny because the package had some very small writing on it containing a rather specific piece of product information.  It's also tiny because I drew that on an app with my finger and well I did the best I could.  But guess what that tiny scribble said.  Guess what it said.

*dramatic enlargement*

ANTISEPTIC.  My reaction proceeded as follows:

don't ask me why this picture is appropriate it just is

Ok so maybe the label wasn't quite so drastically tiny or positioned so inconveniently but gosh darn it, it was still bad graphic design.  It's even worse when I was actively reminding myself throughout my shopping experience "whatever you do, don't get antiseptic mouthwash".  I done messed up.  But the deed was done, and the seal was broken.  I had to use it.

And I did.  And it was awful.  *que horribly rendered re-enactment*

it burned twice as bad from eating jalepeno chips directly beforehand

In case you have never tried it, antiseptic mouthwash tastes like antifreeze and the tears of orthodontists.  The flavor is just close enough to normal mouthwash to lull you into believing that it is effective and an acceptable substitute.  I'd gladly host a few bacteria colonies on my tongue if it meant I wouldn't have to return to using that stuff.

Long story short, it's really yucky stuff and I thoroughly enjoyed being overly dramatic about it to myself for a few days before finally accepting that it was just bad mouthwash and it was literally meant to be spit out anyways.  Instead, I now just wake up every morning and stare into the mirror like this:

Happy swishing.